Previously
Real Violent aliens came to earth after binging on marvel & DC movies from their light years away planet on a fake prime video and netflix subscription looking for Hulk Thor Ironman Superman to challenge them for earth and then realised that they were just actors. Pretenders !
They found henry cavill and ben affleck who was just going through another breakup with jennifer lopez crying and Cavill could not fly or have any real super powers lie Batman Said his Superpower is being Rich Ben Affleck was only worth 150Million Dollars compared to Elon Musk 400Million and he wasnt even Ironman , they even asked where they could meet thanos
When Real Violent Aliens Came to Earth and Discovered Marvel & DC Were Just Acting
It started with a loud rumble over Los Angeles. Not the usual rumble from potholes or celebrity scandals, but a bona fide alien invasion. Except these aliens weren’t here to conquer Earth (at least, not immediately). They had more pressing concerns.
Emerging from their ship, which looked like the lovechild of a disco ball and a blender, the extraterrestrials—let’s call them the Zarflonians—demanded a meeting with Earth’s greatest warriors.
“We have traveled 27 light years to challenge your champions!” boomed their leader, a towering figure named Glorfnax, whose glowing eyes resembled LED flashlights. “Summon the green rage monster! Bring forth the hammer-wielding God of Thunder! And where is the alien in blue spandex with the symbol of an ‘S’?”
The crowd of humans, naturally, was confused. Someone muttered, “Are these guys talking about Hulk, Thor, and Superman?” The aliens nodded enthusiastically.
“Yes! Those mighty defenders of your planet! We’ve seen their incredible battles through your intergalactic streaming services.” Glorfnax gestured to what was clearly a pirated Netflix logo emblazoned on his chest plate. “We were inspired to test our strength against them!”
A sheepish intern from Warner Bros. stepped forward and said, “Uh… about that. They’re not… real.”
“NOT REAL?!” Glorfnax bellowed. His glowing eyes flickered. “We saw them with our ocular orbs! They fought each other! They destroyed cities! One of them snapped his fingers and wiped out half the universe!”
“Yeah, so,” the intern stammered, “those were just movies. CGI. Special effects. You know, fake.”
Glorfnax turned to his crew, stunned. “You’re telling me the epic battles we binge-watched for 14 straight Zarflonian days were… scripted?”
“Yep,” the intern confirmed. “Totally made up.”
The aliens conferred amongst themselves before demanding, “Take us to this Hulk and Thor at once!”
And so, a frantic search ensued. Unfortunately, Mark Ruffalo was in Bali on vacation, and Chris Hemsworth was busy filming a cooking show (Thor’s Hammered Kitchen). In desperation, someone suggested they take the aliens to Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill.
The Great Disappointment
The Zarflonians landed in front of a dimly lit Los Angeles café, where Henry Cavill was calmly sipping his tea and building a PC on the table (yes, mid-café). Ben Affleck, on the other hand, was slumped in a corner, sobbing quietly into his latte.
“What’s wrong with that one?” Glorfnax asked, pointing at Affleck.
“Oh, him?” the intern whispered. “Another breakup with J.Lo. Don’t bring it up.”
Glorfnax approached Cavill. “Are you the flying man in blue?”
Henry blinked, confused. “Uh, no. I’m just an actor.”
“Then why do you wear the red cape?”
“For… movie roles?”
The aliens stared at each other in disbelief. “Can you at least punch through walls?”
“Not unless they’re made of cardboard,” Cavill admitted.
Glorfnax turned to Affleck. “And you! Are you not the Dark Knight?”
Ben looked up, his eyes puffy. “I mean, I was Batman. Once.”
“Prove it!”
Affleck sighed, pulled out his old Batman mask from his bag (why was it there? No one knows), and muttered, “I’m Batman.”
“You don’t sound like Batman,” Glorfnax pointed out.
“Yeah, well, I’m having a rough day!”
The Thanos Question
At this point, the aliens were thoroughly deflated. “At least tell us where to find Thanos,” Glorfnax pleaded. “We wish to challenge him for the Infinity Stones.”
The intern cleared his throat awkwardly. “Thanos is a CGI character. Josh Brolin played him, but he’s… uh… not exactly purple in real life.”
“WHAT?!” Glorfnax screamed. “This entire planet is a sham! How do you even defend yourselves?!”
“Mostly by tweeting angrily and posting TikToks,” someone volunteered.
Glorfnax sighed deeply, the alien equivalent of a facepalm. “Fine,” he muttered. “We’ll take the planet. But only because you’re clearly too incompetent to stop us.”
Before they left, Cavill spoke up. “You could always try reality TV. It’s, uh, intense.”
“What is this reality TV?” Glorfnax asked, intrigued.
“Start with The Real Housewives. It’ll prepare you for true chaos,” Cavill suggested with a sly grin.
The Zarflonians nodded and retreated to their ship, vowing to return after catching up on The Bachelor.
And thus, Earth was spared—not by its mightiest heroes, but by the overwhelming power of mind-numbing television.
THE END
BUT WAIT EARTHLINGS ARE NOT WUSSIES READ ON
it would make more sense to call earth a deceptive paradise.
What do aliens expect when they visit earth?
Beautiful landscapes. Lots of different harmless or semi-harmless animals. Lots of different foods to taste. Friendly humans to guide them.
The landscapes will be the only thing those aliens might be right about, but even those pose significant threats if you aren’t properly prepared. Cold, heat, lack of water, lack of oxygen, hell, some of our most beautiful landscapes are under water.
Animals?
On land:
What an interesting creature. Truly only a paradise world could allow for an animal to grow so fat and survive. You said it is a herbivore, so unless we attack it it won’t be a threat to us right? What was it called again? Hippopotamus.
Aww, what a cute small colorful thing. Truly, such a lack of camouflage in this forest would only be possible on a paradise world. Poison dart frog.
You said there are actual predators in that area? I have read the descriptions. They will surely run away as soon as we spot them, going by your books. Yeah, not all are like that, and those that are don’t always do that and only if you spot them first.
In the water?
For some you don’t even see them until it’s too late. Jellyfish? Stonefish? Crocodiles are pretty good at camouflage too.
Depending on how cetaceans react to the aliens they can easily be fifty shades of fucked if they go of the interactions between humans and cetaceans. Dolphins are NOT friendly animals.
Food? I am not going to pick my own mushrooms from the forest unless I have someone knowledgeable with me. Hell, even some foods we can eat can kill us if we eat them the wrong way.
Humans. Do I even need to explain why that misconception will cause injuries?
Used to sleeker, smaller, and more passive herbivores because the predators on your planet are such great threats? The largest land animals on earth are herbivores. However, on earth land animals don’t build up fat unless they live in colder climates. That is all muscles.
Maybe our predators are less vicious. Smaller. Not as intimidating. Because what you call “prey” isn’t always prey or easy to catch. Many of our predators need to be stealthy. Smart. Deceptive.
Getting seriously injured usually means game over for predators, but not for herbivores. That’s why many herbivores go for blood right away while predators weigh their chances and sometimes abandon a target because they think it won’t be worth it.
Some of the most cruel animals on earth live in our oceans. The only reason why we so easily forget that is because those animals find us interesting and act friendly towards us.
And then the colors. Maybe our planet is more colorful. Colors attract attention. But that doesn’t mean they tell you to come close. They don’t always mean to attract a mate. And when they don’t, ooohhh boy you do not want to touch that.
There are plants that can drive people into suicide with the pain they can cause upon touch as a selfdefense mechanism. Other plants are highly toxic. Some are toxic when you eat them in the wrong way.
And we humans domesticated several of the horrors that live on this ball of deception. So, when we see a big alien predator from an obvious deathworld that we have informed ourselves very, VERY well about to make sure how to counter it and find out is easier to handle than our own predators, can you really blame us for going “big puppy needs scritches” on them? culled from REDDIT
